Listing things to look forward to
I just made a list of things to look forward to. Like any deliberate deliberation, at first it took a slight push through the soft, invisible barrier of effort, but then things just started to flow.
I had worried I wouldn't be able to think of anything, that there'd be no colour even through a microscope.
It felt a little like mental physiotherapy - the unfurling of a cramped limb that had been injured. Atrophied still, but unpinioned, a growing sense of pins and needles, a shaky freedom... finally a stumble. But for a moment, just a moment, I felt free, like the sun had come out, like the wind was blowing through the trees.
But the more things I decided to think were worthy of being anticipated positively, the more other things seemed to be too. I could smell a faint tang of joy in the air and it will sustain me for a good while longer.